Twenty-one. A firm believer that life mirrors nature, and--if we look closely enough--all of the answers we need are right outside our windows.
A lover of Kappa, books, knowledge, music, lyrics, and life.
Healing takes time, and asking for help is a courageous step.
I do not need someone to complete me
but if you wanted to
we could walk next to each other
into whatever is coming next.
Let them come, for I am ready. Let them wash over the sky and cover me like a lid, like a blanket. Let the rain fall and the thunder roar. I have the lightning inside me and it wants to go home.
It has been a long time since I’ve been able to sit down and write about my feelings. I’ve gotten into a nasty habit of holding them back, expressing them differently.
Today I feel I’m overflowing.
Inside, I have a thousand questions. Why? But how? My mind can’t seem to wrap its head around loss of the greatest kind—life. If I let my brain shut down, it’s easy. This is so outlandish. She can’t be gone—I saw her just a few days ago, in church, bright face and bouncing voice as usual. A hit-and-run in the dark of the night is just not possible. But then I’m forced back to reality and the racing thoughts return.
They say God always has a greater plan. I’m not sure I believe them.
Because if He had a plan, surely it would involve leaving her on Earth to better all those she encounters. My friend, the silly one who would make up dances to songs by boy bands and play dress up. The impossibly strong girl who carried her father through the loss of her mother to cancer—who showed us all what strength, positivity, and perseverance can bring. The brilliant young woman who interned at a correctional facility, to improve the lives of those residing there—there was no side of her that did not leave good wherever it went.
When the community settles down from the shock I am certain we will see her legacy live on in the best of ways.
I just desperately wish it didn’t have to be without her.
May you rest in peace, beautiful angel. Say hi to your mom for us.